Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize