There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
