May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
