do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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