Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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