Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
