Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.