she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"