my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.