his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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