I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?