The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
