wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
