I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
