I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
