What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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