I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
