Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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