WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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