i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
