alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
