If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize