Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
