if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we made out on top of his cat.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
