I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
