you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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