First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
