My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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