We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
