dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
