So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
