my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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