When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
