I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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