watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I love you. Go after that dick
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