Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
