i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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