Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
