Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
