Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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