what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
