Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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