So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
