If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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