i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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