Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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