everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
