i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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