she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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