before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
