Rock
Scissors
Fuck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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