tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
