The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
