Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
