well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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