you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
