Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
