he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I love you.
Bad choice
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
