I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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