I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
