i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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